That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
