We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
