For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
