There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
