Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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