like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
