I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
