I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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