so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
