i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
