oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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