I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
