Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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