marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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