party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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