This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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