Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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