We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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