I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
