The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
