how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
