Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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