so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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