Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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