I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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