Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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