It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
