garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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