you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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