i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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