You can't special order awesome
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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