I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
