when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
