She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
