I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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