I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
