Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
