he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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