Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
