$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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