So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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