An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
