I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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