Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
