I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
