He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
