YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
how drunk are you?
Several
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
