Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
