We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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