I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
