I want to stick my p in your. b.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
