Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
