you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
