i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
