she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
