my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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