dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
