Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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